Chapter 6: What? The sperm donor
Amy’s phone rang. She picked up the phone to look at the caller ID. She silenced her ringing tone and put the phone away. That was unlike Amy.
“Who was that?” Anna questioned.
“Nick. He has been calling. I don’t want to talk to him.” Amy sounded annoyed telling Anna.
“Remember what he did on your first date. Never forget that night.” Anna cautioned.
“I do. Yet I love him. I never missed someone like this. I wish I had more patience. But you know that the chances would be lowered if I had waited.”
Amy tried to reason with herself. Tears well up in her eyes.
“It wouldn’t be wise but if your heart tells you otherwise, you can work things out with him. Tell him that you’re already gotten yourself pregnant with a sperm donor. See how he reacts. We both know most men would run the other way. But just talk to him to ease yourself. Ok?” Anna wasn’t sure if that was the best advice but she knows she had made some major mistakes herself.
Anna had been divorced for three years now. Meeting someone new was out of the question as she feels men were more receptive to younger women. It’s awkward to be in the dating scene again. She doesn’t want her children to think that she’s replacing their father. Anna wasn’t ready to let her first love go either. She couldn’t forget him and their children. The family she never had and never will have. Anna had seen Andy a couple of times at the Institute of Mental Health hospital. She wasn’t sure at first because they haven’t met for a very long time. But they got introduced again during a program at the hospital and Anna remembered him showing her his identification card like he wanted her to remember who he was to her. Her dosage was really high then and she had trouble focusing on anything so she let the matter slide and didn’t give it a thought.
Anna retraced her memory. She was very sure he was Andy. Anna wasn’t sure how to go about locating him. He’s not living at his last known address. Does she need to go back to the hospital everyday hoping that they’ll meet again? What if they meet? What will she say to him?
Amy got ready to go out. She has to see Nick. She wants him to hear what he’s got to say.
Amy got home in the evening. She was in tears. Anna wasn’t sure how to calm her down. Amy kept silent but she was crying. Anna took her to bed and that’s all she could do for Amy.
Anna waited for Amy to tell her what had happened. She was dying to know. Amy hasn’t been eating well. She’s not talking either. Anna had thought of breaking into Amy’s phone to get Nick’s phone number.
Finally when Anna had enough of seeing her sister in this depressed state, she just had to force her to talk.
“Amy, you know you should be happy. If you cannot control your emotions, it WILL affect the growing baby. Please think about that poor child.”
“Amy, do talk about what is bothering you. If you do not want to tell me anything, please talk to someone you trust.”
“He wants to co-parent. He set some rules but it’s just impossible.”
“What do you mean?”
“Truth is, Nick is a junkie. He wants to marry so we’ll be able to rent a flat directly from the government. He has to move out of his parent’s. His father has passed and they have to sell the flat to disburse the inheritance. He couldn’t afford to buy his own flat.”
“Ok, I get it. He is using you to get a flat and you are planning to use him to get a flat. Give it a good thought, sister. If you marry him, will it be safe for you and the baby? And if you do get a divorce, will he contest for the baby so that he can continue to retain the flat? Are you giving your baby away, Amy?”
“Anna, I did use a sperm donor but I didn’t get it from some sperm bank or website. My donor is Nick.”
“Wow, really? You sure have secrets don’t you.”
“I went to the Doctor’s in Johor to get the abortion pills. But I did not consume any. I’ve thrown it out.”
“I got pregnant. I panicked but the baby is his.”
“He is not a Muslim, Amy. His culture is too different. Can you adapt to him and him to you?”
“He has been learning at Darul Arqam. But he’s a junkie, Anna.”
“He’ll take care of us. He promised. He has been buying baby clothes and saving for the hospital bill. He has been paying for the Doctor’s visits. I do not know how long this will continue to be, that is why I’ve been working so hard in case he got arrested.”
“I want a family, Anna. I do.” Amy burst into tears.
Anna didn’t know how to react. Her memories came flashing. All that she had experienced will relive again with Amy. It feels like Deja Vu. How do Anna save her sister?
Anna had somehow coaxed Amy to eat dinner. She sent Amy to bed soon after to get some rest. Anna didn’t sleep that night. She wants Amy to be happy whatever her choice may be. Although, someone like Nick would change his ways eventually, it will not be easy.
Amy is not you, Anna. Not everything is about you now. She leads her life and you have your life to sort out. Let her figure this out herself. Even if it means she’ll get hurt, broken and jaded. It’s still her choice. Rather than to live thinking about what could have been done right, just live it through with no regrets. Ask Amy to take that chance Anna. Chances you’ve regretted not taking. You are such a coward Anna. She heard the voice ringing in her ears.
Anna woke up. Gosh, it’s so bright. What time is it now? Anna glanced at the clock. Boy, it’s mid-day. Where is Amy? Anna quickly got up to freshen up. She saw a note Amy left at the dining table. She won’t be back until dinner. Anna assumed Amy went out to meet Nick.
Anna went online to check if she had any orders. She needs to save a couple of hundred dollars more to do a six years worth of search for her birth records and get the birth certificate extracted. She could, however, track Andy down and talk him into giving her a photocopy of the birth certificates so that she can go ahead with the birth extract application and not waste so much money on the search itself. The question is how would she even know where he lives? He is constantly on the move. Anna had an inkling feeling that this Nick guy might be acquainted with Andy. These junkies probably know each other. They’ll probably get their stuff from the same runner. That is besides the point. The main thing she needs to do is that she needs to get her life on track and get the damn certificates.
Anna cannot even begin how she might react if the birth records do exist and it is not in her mind like they claimed. Would she have a rampage at her mother’s house? Will she drag her mother to the mental hospital to confess that she had concealed her birth records and made Anna so crazy and that is enough to make the Doctor discharge her from the hospital? Will she sue her own mother for damages done to her? What does she do then? So many possible outcomes run in her head. She had these scenarios played out in her mind for years. And for many years she only had this wish. She had wished to see her babies once more.
Anna wasn’t expecting to magically appear in her children’s lives and play mother. That is a decision only her children can make. If she could see them from a distance, that would suffice for her.
Amy has been behaving strangely lately. She sure hoped that Nick guy wouldn’t introduce Amy or at worst pressurised Amy into doing drugs. Anna sure hoped Amy would take good care of her baby.
Anna notices that Amy has been buying rolled cigarettes and the paper has a barcode that Amy would tear out and keep in her purse. She also has been making tiny Barbie doll size clothing everyday instead of buying clothes for her baby’s size. And she’s been out every morning without informing Anna.
As soon as she was about to process the thought, the door opened and Amy said her greetings.
“Assalamualaikum.” said Amy softly.
“Waalaikumsalam.” Anna replied back.
“Have you had dinner yet? Sit down, let’s have dinner.” Anna invited Amy to sit in with her. Anna hopes that she’ll be able to ask Amy where she has been lately and why she was collecting barcodes.
They sat down at the table and began reciting their prayer before a meal. Anna was about to ask when Amy began explaining.
Amy confides in Anna that she had been meeting her imaginary friend lately and he told her to follow him home.
He told her that since they met, Panji has been with her every night without her realising it. Anna was shocked. How could he when he doesn’t have keys to Amy’s house. Amy explained that’s what she thought too but that’s when he turned into a shadow figure and she passed out. When she came around she was in a village. Amy thought that she had been kidnapped to a neighboring country but Panji assured her that they are in Pancha Delima, a village in mukim 19 and it is the reverse of Singapore. Amy asked what Panji meant by the reverse. He told Amy that it is a world within a world.
Amy soon realised she went into labour and delivered quintuples. She hardly believed it herself but she had postnatal blood and she was cut ‘there’ a little bit to ease labour. She was attended to by an old Malay lady called Mak Seah. Amy wanted to bring her quintuples home but she was in another realm and her kids were not born in Singapore.
Amy was told they were called the bundchen’s or bunian, a half blood human and Jinn. In their world these children were never accepted. They were made slaves. Upon knowing this, Amy vows to make her children free. Amy was told to do three things. She was told to acknowledge her children by giving them names and they should be identified as her bloodline by formally writing down their names on paper and Amy was to buy and wear jewellery that is suitable for both boys and girls. Whatever she feels like buying means it will materialise in the other realm for her children. She had asked Panji if she could come back to see her children. He told her she needs something that could link her back to him and their children. Amy didn’t understand much but she was too tired to ask. When she came around, she was in a car with Panji and they were at the foot of Anna’s block.
The following days, Amy had the urge to buy rolled cigarettes. She realised that the cover of the roll cigarette paper contains a barcode. She went on to buy blank cards and after much thought, she named her children and wrote it down on the card. She also pasted the barcode on the reverse of the card and on the same side she wrote her name and Panji’s full name. She remembered the village address as Pancha Delima mukim 19 which she wrote down too. Amy also bought a chain with a small pendant that she liked.
Everyday Amy went to sleep normally but she woke up to the crying of babies. She realised she was brought to Pancha Delima. Over there, Amy was brought to see around the village and meet the others. They were staunch Muslims. In many ways they were so much like us but they too were very different from us, Amy explained. Amy showed Anna a laminated card and gave Anna a similar chained pendant that she was wearing. Anna read on the card Amy’s name. On the reverse were seven other names and dates beside each name. Amy put the chain on Anna. Amy explained this chain is magick. It will be made known to the wearer what the people on the other realm needed or have and they will be compelled to buy similar things or do certain things. Amy explains these things are just symbolic even the chain is symbolic. Losing the chain doesn’t mean they lose their bond. It may seem like a toy car that the wearer fancy but it will materialise on the other realm as the real thing. It is to show that their families on the other realm are doing fine.
Amy went on to explain that the names are Amy’s children in the other realm. If they are not acknowledged by either parent, they will become slaves. That explains why sometimes Amy behaves erratically. She told Anna that the children cannot interfere in their lives in this realm as their realm is governed too and that it was just the rule of nature. If they were to show themselves in this realm that will take the form of a being that Anna would be comfortable with and not their real self. Sometimes you could feel their presence but you will not see them in your eyes but with your mind or third eye.
Anna asked what she must do. Amy told Anna to carry on with life and her family on the other realm will come to visit every now and then. Amy told her that even if they were half blood, they are still bundchen’s. With that explanation Anna understood what was going on with her life. Her dreams were real, it’s just that it’s happening in the other realm. And when she feels like she’s talking to herself, she is actually talking to her children. Anna got confused with Amy’s explanation of her own life. She wanted the same explanation to apply to her own erratic behaviour.
With that they ended their dinner with Amy showing a Doctor’s memo from the hospital that she had suffered a miscarriage and the baby was ‘lost’.
To be continued……